Tales from the Rat House: Part 1

It all began when I heard from an old friend

Who now occupies himself as a video-game developer

His dream is to make the world better for everyone

Which will be achieved with the power of gamification

At onset we gathered in the lab to do no more and no less

But it foretells the story of how I entered this mess

I traveled miles on foot to extend my assistance as best as anyone could

Little did I know the sordid confusion I was stumbling into

Upon arrival to the apartment revealed a strange atmosphere

A fishy smell, sparse furniture and an eerie tone filled my ears

His roommate offered me fruit before stepping out to smoke

This being the first victim besides me who entered this abode

A student from abroad, his pockets brimming with black gold

Moving to the United States allowed him the freedom to smoke

So the smell of hookahs and cigarettes was abundant in our home

Despite the sign on our front door which sternly told us no

His teapot waited at the ready by our toilet; DIY bidet

My tentative tenant and old friend had then brought in a stray

A mangy mutt with nothing to his name but sad, puppy-dog eyes

He wore a showercap to maintain a desired amount of grease in his hair

Thus had the Louse King come to invade our lair

There was no way these interlopers could be given quarter

So the Rat King and I worked quickly to remove our infested pest

We blinked not at his watery eyes as we told him of the Boneyard

Hanging his head, he reluctantly followed us to his last known location

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Fuck Nyx Assassin

As a 1,000 max health Witch Doctor, I abhor you with every ounce of my being. I despise the fact that you will stalk me across the map and reveal yourself while I am amongst my team just to burst me down and then promptly be killed afterward. I loathe the way you brag about all of your kills, when all of them come from kamikaziing yourself onto me.

I hate your early-game.

I hate your mid-game.

I hate that late-game, you are supposed to fall off, but all you need to do to stay relevant is upgrade your Dagon and continue to kill me without issue.

Fuck you.